Onion used to my favorite satire newspaper before it was taken over by the wokes. When I was in college, some teaching assistants read us an article as a treat before starting a session. Here’s one of my favorite headlines. Here’s one of my favorite

Newborn Loses Faith In Humanity After Record 6 Days
https://www.theonion.com/newborn-loses-faith-in-humanity-after-record-6-days-1819573929
It took me 7 years. I guess I was slow.

I grew up in Hong Kong and I can tell you for sure that you are going to have a very hard time surviving there if you are not a hardcore cynic. People are very harsh to each other but most are sticklers to the rules and contracts to the letter (they believe in the rule-OF-law), to the extent that some might find them inflexible or outright cruel (this is especially true with bus drivers in Hong Kong nowadays) .

In other words, people there feel comfortable taking advantage of others, but 99.9% of time they do it within legal boundaries (like exploiting scenarios not considered when the contracts are drafted) as they are not bold legal risk takers. It’s not a forgiving city because Hongkong is geographically too close to the land of crooks so every sign of kindness we show are seen as signs of weakness ready to be exploited. Kindness just doesn’t pay in Hong Kong.

Socialist (Chinese Communist Party) is a shit-magnet, identifying the nastiest people in any population. Hong Kong Protests in 2019 showed me people aren’t predominantly bad. I might have picked up a little bit of faith in humanity again after seeing the spirits of the freedom-fighters. The scumbags I should have hated with passions are now wagging their tails and licking the boots of the Chinese Communist Party.

I fondly remember Craig Ferguson’s skit on his Late Late Show reading a letter from Governor Rick Perry responding to his application to become an honorary citizen of Texas (part of his honorary citizen campaign before he became an US citizen). We hear bits and pieces on the show, but gladly Ed Bark has the whole letter down in his blog.

Since it’s very old material, and it seems such marvelous material is fading out from search engines, I made a copy here to preserve it. I hope somebody can find the letter and make a PDF out of it.

Here’s the letter:

Dear Craig,

There was a time when we granted the status of Texan to just about anyone, including criminals, drunks and Tennesseans. Today our standards are much higher.

We need to know first of all if you have a gun rack on your car — and we don’t mind gun racks on girlie cars, which I suspect you drive.

Secondly, we need to know if, upon approaching roadkill, you drive on by, or stop and throw it in the back so you can skin it and hang the pelt on your wall.

Third, we need to make sure you have never, and never would, deface the Alamo.

Lastly, we need to know if you are willing to stand guard on our border, and prevent the entry of illegals from Arkansas, Oklahoma, Louisiana and New Mexico.

Your citizenship as a Texan depends on your answers to these questions, and whether you can dip tobacco and eat chili at the same time.

Sincerely yours,

Rick Perry

Governor

Timeless. Still very true.